As a special needs parent to two non-verbal, Autistic young adult children, there are certain phrases I hear all the time:
1. You must be so busy all the time!
2. I don’t know how you do it!
3. You’re a hero. You’re so good for doing this.
To answer:
1. Yes I am.
2. I don’t either.
3. No. No I’m not.
To be honest with you, the last one bothers me the most. I’m not a hero for keeping my children with me. I’m terrified. I’m sick. I’m tired. I’m confused. I’m overwhelmed with fear. I’m angry. I’m any and everything but heroic in any sense of the word.
My kids are 19 and 21. My job should be done, but it’s not. I’m still on the hunt for a psychiatrist. I’m looking into residential care and day programs. I haven’t had a date night with my husband since the kids were born. I’m both resentful and, if I’m being honest, numb. It’s just what has to be done. I do it because I’m their mom and that’s my job.
Then, as you may know, Kavanaugh had to answer for his actions due to being accused of sexual assault. I myself have been assaulted, so this is more than upsetting to me. Then, I found a horrible meme online.
I have to tell you, this one sent me into hysterics. Shaking, screaming hysterics. How on earth am I supposed to let my babies go into day programs and residential care when there are people out there who make memes like this? How can I be certain that they won’t end up another statistic, like me?
Oh no. I’m no hero. Heroes are able to protect the ones they love. Me? I’m getting older. The constant stress on my life has given me the gifts of anxiety and IBS. I know I will have to let them go eventually, but I don’t know how. When I talked to one lady who runs one of the day programs about my fears her response was “Well, nothing’s perfect. ”
Shouldn’t we at least try, though?
#autism #autismparenting #stress worry
whatisnormalyou 